So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
