thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
