Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
