I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
