He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The Olympian is in my bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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