I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
