I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
