Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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