i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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