I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
