my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
