She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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