Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
