Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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