So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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