I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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