I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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