Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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