Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
