I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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