that's an acceptable place to lick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
