In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
