at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
