just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
