i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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