He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
