so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
