We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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