whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
