M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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