Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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