$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
