I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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