JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
