I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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