Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
