The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize