Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
