New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As shirtless as possible
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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