dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
