My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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