i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
