The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
