nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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