WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
