i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
