I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
