if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
