it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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