but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
