Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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