Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
