take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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