i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mom said you looked used
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
