apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
