I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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