She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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