ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
