I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
