All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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