i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
