i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
