Are we in a gay sports bar?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
