I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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